It's official

My husband has the tickets in hand. In less than a month, I will be headed for Hawaii for a week's stay. I have *very* mixed feelings about this trip. On the one hand, I'll be headed for Hawaii, a state I've never visited, with a short side-trip to Las Vegas on the way home to visit an old friend I haven't seen for years. We will even be staying on Maui, the closest tourist destination to Molokai, which I have wanted to visit ever since reading about Father Damien as a child.

On the other, I know why I will be going on this trip, and I don't like it even one little bit. This trip only tells me more certainly that my dad is going to be sent again to war. And to confirm that, Dad has asked that we go to Pearl Harbor while we are there. Right now, I'm praying for the strength for this trip. I'm thinking of surprising my mom by asking if we can stop by a shrine dedicated to Father Damien after the Pearl Harbor trip. I feel as though I need a balance, a reminder of those who face death and destruction by bringing new hope, new life.

Why is it that a trip that I might otherwise face with joyful expectation must be weighed down by the heavy sorrow that sucks at me every time I think about the war, the soldiers, the politicians who coldbloodedly use them? I find myself unable to appreciate Elizabeth Bennet's philosophy from "Pride and Prejudice" - the one imperfection in my trip is not ensuring my enjoyment of it. It's just making me sad.