Gentleness
Sometimes, it's easier to be nice to other people than to yourself. Last night, after a long (as in serious overtime) day of writing and editing, I had planned on going home and hand cutting pop-up cards for people. Oh, and fixing dinner, picking up the living room a little, putting in my orders for the next round of care packages, and maybe getting in a couple minutes of crochet before falling asleep halfway to bed.
If someone else had said to me that they were actually dreading putting together cards, I'd have said something like relax, it's okay. Find some nice cards at the fair trade shop or something. Next year, you can use the pattern you've made up for this one if you want, or put it aside for another year when you just don't have any inspiration. You know, you really don't want to be doing pop-ups when you're tired and anxious anyway. You do realize that if you slip from being tired, it's a razor that you're slipping with, right?
And after trying to steel myself to the schedule last night, I wrote to Thee, Hannah! that I just didn't want to, and seeing it in black and white let me see how very foolish it is not to forgive myself for something I wouldn't even see the need to forgive in a friend. Of course I'd never press someone else to do all that, so why was I being so mean to me?
So instead, I went home, made a very simple dinner, did a little of the crocheting, told myself the living room could wait for tomorrow, as could the orders (it's not like anybody's going to do anything before Christmas anyway...) and went to bed at a reasonable hour. And this morning, I even got the orders in. I finished off the crochet square I was working on, and now have an even more simple pattern for today. If I want to do more complicated patterns, I have all weekend, but workdays can be occupied with mindless crochet in the round patterns. And the yarn I chose for today was a nice bright color where the complexity comes from the yarn and not from my fancy stitching. Tomorrow, I can crochet in plain wool worsted to show off aran crochet stitches if I like, but today is single and double crochet in a round, eventually squaring off the corners with those absurdly simple scallops. (Think a visually interesting granny square with a true circle running about 3/4s of the way out.)
If someone else had said to me that they were actually dreading putting together cards, I'd have said something like relax, it's okay. Find some nice cards at the fair trade shop or something. Next year, you can use the pattern you've made up for this one if you want, or put it aside for another year when you just don't have any inspiration. You know, you really don't want to be doing pop-ups when you're tired and anxious anyway. You do realize that if you slip from being tired, it's a razor that you're slipping with, right?
And after trying to steel myself to the schedule last night, I wrote to Thee, Hannah! that I just didn't want to, and seeing it in black and white let me see how very foolish it is not to forgive myself for something I wouldn't even see the need to forgive in a friend. Of course I'd never press someone else to do all that, so why was I being so mean to me?
So instead, I went home, made a very simple dinner, did a little of the crocheting, told myself the living room could wait for tomorrow, as could the orders (it's not like anybody's going to do anything before Christmas anyway...) and went to bed at a reasonable hour. And this morning, I even got the orders in. I finished off the crochet square I was working on, and now have an even more simple pattern for today. If I want to do more complicated patterns, I have all weekend, but workdays can be occupied with mindless crochet in the round patterns. And the yarn I chose for today was a nice bright color where the complexity comes from the yarn and not from my fancy stitching. Tomorrow, I can crochet in plain wool worsted to show off aran crochet stitches if I like, but today is single and double crochet in a round, eventually squaring off the corners with those absurdly simple scallops. (Think a visually interesting granny square with a true circle running about 3/4s of the way out.)
posted by Plain Foolish | 9:22 AM
2 Comments:
Hi
I just wanted to tell you that I have been reading your blog for some time and it has meant a great deal to me. I especially liked your entry on "serial monotheism." That is me! Last night, when I lit all the Chanukah candles I said a prayer for your dad. I'm crocheting one of the helmet liners (thanks for the pattern). Take care and thank you.
Karen--Jewish and Quaker from Alabama
Welcome, Karen!
Thank you. That means a lot to me right now. A friend of mine once said that he saw my spiritual journey like a roadtrip where you forgot the map at that diner 20 miles ago, and weren't sure how to get there even with the map.
Thank you also for thinking of our soldiers, and particularly my dad. They have been overworked in hellish conditions, fighting a war without being being given a reason that stands up to any scrutiny- "Theirs not to reason why/ theirs but to do or die..." And they've not been properly outfitted, or anything.
Today, though, was actually a good day for the most part. My husband and I met my brother-in-law for brunch at one of our favorite coffee houses (where they have fabulous tea, as well) and spent a couple hours walking around one of the artsier areas in town.
I'm going to get some sleep now, but I think I'll post about it when I wake up, or else when I get back. (My husband and I are doing the movie and Chinese thing on Christmas Eve, which is very restful, as *nobody* does that on Christmas Eve. Plus the Yenching Palace has a buffet on Sundays.)
Post a Comment
<< Home